Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Maria Anguiano, helps parents and caregivers feel more confident in themselves and in their ability to parent children.  Effective parenting is never focused on the making mistakes made, but on being present, learning, repairing and continuing to grow.

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Maria shares that parents and caregivers feel shame by focusing on their identity by thinking "I'm a bad parent" or they withdraw or hide after a mistake.  Shame comes in many forms such as shutting down, avoiding support, harshly criticizing themselves, and saying they're a bad parent.

 

They also feel guilt by focusing on a specific action or mistake and wanting to repair, apologize or wishing they had handled that differently.

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An important way to handle shame and guilt is to have self-compassion - taking full responsibility and looking at ourselves with the same compassion they want to have for their children.  Here as some examples of how this looks:

• I made a mistake, but that doesn't make be a bad parent

• I can take responsibility without shaming myself​

• Parenting is difficult and I'm still learning

• I don't have to be perfect to be a good parent

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Maria continues to share how it's possible to accept responsibility, how to grow and learn, and how to repair the situation after it's happened.​​