Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Angel Vargas, begins his seminar by helping parents and caregivers understand what communication is - the process by which verbal and non-verbal information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior.

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He follows that the main goal of communication is mutual understanding and connection, through ideas, values, feelings, objectives, aspirations, agreements, and plans. 

 

He shares that it is important to understand the developmental stages of children:

• General - Newborn, infant, toddler, preschooler, school age, adolescence

• Piaget’s Stages of Cognitive Development - Sensorimotor, Pre-operational, Concrete Operational, Formal Operational

• Erikson’s Stages of Psychosocial Development - Trust v. Mistrust, Autonomy v. Shame and Doubt, Initiative v. Guilt, Industry v. Inferiority, Identity v. Role Confusion (plus four more stages)

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And the use of five love languages:

• Words of Affirmation

• Quality Time

• Gifts

• Acts of Service

• Physical Touch

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Opening the door to better communication by first understanding who owns the problem at hand:

• If it’s the child’s

  • Support them by listening along with natural consequences

• If it’s the parent’s

  • Start softly in a non-blaming, targeted behavior conversation

  • Gentle confrontation

  • Brainstorm, strategic planning for a win-win

  • Agreed upon consequences

 

And applying the following elements towards better communication:

• Timing is crucial

• Listening is a vital skill

• Become comfortable “surfing” hot topics (don’t look scared, don’t make them feel sorry for you)

• Engaging in action

• Celebrating